in which Kitteh shrinks away oodles of fluff

Archive for the ‘Stern kitteh lektchurs’ Category

Cattitude? Adjusted.

OK, after several lengthy whinging episodes, I seem to be getting my head on straight.

detrmination 2

Here’s what I have done:

  1. Ordered new Noms, all allergen free. Processed this morning so should have by weekend I think.
  2. initiated return on recently ordered Poisoned Noms, have to drop box at Post this pm but that’s easy. Did all the hard parts already.
  3. Came up with a plan for getting rid of the Poisoned Noms I already own: namely, any that are double (or more) allergen filled (like have milk AND wheat or eggs AND milk) are being given away. The ones that are just ONE allergen are what I am eating until the new Noms come in. After I have new noms, I will eat ONE packet of the single allergen packs per day until they are gone. That way they are not wasted, and I am getting cleaner.
  4. I’m solidly on plan, and walking my 10K steps, and drinking mah water.
  5. Talked to my health coach. She says if I get bored with the limited selection I can go to 2 L&G+4 packets, or even 3 and 3. I will of course lose slower, but I will lose. Don’t know if I believe her–I’m not the fastest loser at the best of times–but it is good to have a back up plan.

I’m thankful that I didn’t let this totally derail me. The last few days were not fun or strictly OP–on Saturday, I came down stairs and stared at the pantry and realized there was NOTHING I COULD EAT. No un-poisoned Noms, and I couldnt have the eggs that the rest of the family was eating or even cream in my coffee. And it was grocery day, so I literally had nothing. I was so mad and so hungry!! And I let that stress me out for a couple days.

But now I am back on track mentally.


And I am trying to treat this as ALL THE MORE REASON to be strict with the plan and get FINISHED with the loss part as soon as possible!

determination kitteh


Makin Kitteh goals

Wednesday was an 18 hour+ work day (with the Plus referring to kid stuff in the morning, drive time, showering, etc.) as we get ready for Big Event at end of month.

I WAS on plan though (I know, you are relieved, right?) I am pleased to report that both days I resisted ordering piles of naughty food (even though we were ordering in and working through, and it smelled pretty good). It was actually a good use of the Limits Cycle: I didn’t feel a lot of “essential pain” but I tried 🙂 Focused on what do I WANT (to lose weight, and as fast as is healthy) and whether that Thai Special would move me toward or away from it, then put that in positive language–glad I love this nommy beef salad, I get to eat my L&G from the restaurant too but I am still on plan! I love how good it feels to stay on target!

Got in another 10K steps anyway, though not as good as the 13-15K I have been hitting at least I hit my minimum!

And about that minimum.

I started out with the UP band giving myself a 2K goal. I was actually averaging about 5K. I upped it to 5K, then last week to 6K on my band, planning to make it 7K yesterday. (I up the goal on Wednesdays, because that’s the day I got the band and it gives me a weekly report). And I forgot (too busy) and realized that my real, secret goal is 10K–but I don’t want to “tell” my UP band so it wont…. yell at me? Seriously, when I thought about it, I keep my goal low so that I can be “perfect” and hit my goal every day. Not because I want to brag about it, but because when I fail a goal, I am really hard on myself and prone to quitting. 

This is SUCH an example of what I want to change about myself–setting realistic goals is one thing. If I put down 20K steps in the middle of this litigation push, that would be madness. Not doable. But 7K is playing it safe. Playing it safe may be a good technique if you are doing project plans or making promises to other people that they need to rely on (or teaching a child with self esteem problems…) but it is NOT the way a healthy grown up challenges herself. Am I right?

So I am putting down 10K today. Throwing it down and ADMITTING that I want to walk 10K steps a day. And if I don’t want to make as many laps as that takes in the heat, well, then I gotta pony up to the fact that means I miss my goal. is it worth it? Doubtful. 

In other news, I am down this morning an entire .2 of a lb from my previous low.  This is only significant because (a) PMS has me swollen like a toady frog; and (b) as I mentioned, last night’s L&G was a beef salad from the Thai place, and while I felt really good eating my delicious light lime cilantro beef with lettuce and cabbage while my co-workers noshed Pad Thai and fried chicken, it was SALT-TY. So I figured I’d actually be up a pound between the two things.


Being down makes me think that when the bloat is gone, I will see a whoosh. I lurves me a whoosh. 🙂

Planning to Succeed

Next week, I will be away with the family on a GEN-YOU-WINE vacation. As in, my little family of four off on its own at a vacation spot, relaxing.

The last thing I want to do is fall victim to the old “failing to plan is planning to fail.”

Here’s my plan:

1. Stick to packets for 5 meals and enjoy dinner. That means you gotta think through what you need and pack up both the food and the containers/mixers. We will have a kitchen, so that makes things much simpler!

2. Do NOT enjoy carbs with your dinner, even if everyone else is having some. It will not be worth it.

3. Save all your extra calories for a glass of wine at night. And if you don’t save them up? NO WINE.

4.  The fact that the kiddos and DH will be eating two meals a day that you are not going to touch can work to your advantage: I’m going to share this plan with DH and ask him to let me stay out (or in, as the case may be) while he and our other co-vacationers handle their food.

5. This is a great opportunity to exercise in fun ways, with the kiddos–USE IT!


What other vacation tips do you have for me?

Goal dates

I haven’t done this in a while, but I just read a post on the (new) Medifast boards that suggested doing this: take the amount you want to lose, and divide by 2. That’s the number of weeks you will need to hit your goal, on average, for Medifast.

I’m in the “go big or go home” mode at the moment, so I am going to say I want to lose 175 lbs. That means 88 weeks. A quarter way there is 22 weeks, and halfway there is 44 weeks, and 3/4 there is 66 weeks. That would mean:

One quarter the way there (44 lbs down) by Wednesday, August 14, 2013;

Halfway there (88 lbs down) by Wednesday, January 15, 2014;

Three-quarters finished (132 lbs down) by Wednesday, June 18, 2014; and

Goal (175 lbs down) on Wednesday, November 19, 2014.

Do I think these are exact? Oh hail no. But I do think that thinking about them concretely helps with the “what you do today determines where you will be tomorrow (and on November 19, 2014)” part of motivation!

So, yeah. Printing them and putting them where I can contemplate them. Then I cal tell Lil Kitteh:

Yeah, those dates ARE far away – but they will be here before you know it, and just think how much further that goal will be if you don’t stay on plan TODAY….

determination cat 1 one day at a time kitteh

Remember that Ego Depletion stuff?

Remember this post on ego depletion? If you need more info and refresher, check out this post by a Duke professor (warning: salty language).


I had a kind of epiphany this morning. What’s aggravating is that it is really coming full circle to something I told you back in October (see above). Here’s how it happened:

I was thinking about the fact that I have been ALL OVER THE BOARD the last couple of weeks. I have fasted. I have eaten ice cream. (Not at once, obviously.) I have been a train-wreck of indecision about whether I will join (or even initiate) a lunch order from the office. And this morning, I realized that was because when I have not DECIDED on a course of action (like, I will follow strict Medifast/TSFL rules) I stumble around and make some really bad decisions on the fly. I am not COMMITTED to what I am trying to do, plan-wise. And when I have anything less than laser focused commitment, Little Kitteh can seduce me away with her oh-so-tempting routine, which she has to a science, that goes like this:


“We’ll start tomorrow, after you figure out exactly what you want to do.”

seduction kitteh


“Meanwhile, you should go on and order lunch/have Italian dinner of carby goodness and cheese, because after all, you will be strict tomorrow.”

seduction 2


“And your new plan will doubtless take off any damage I am doing, right away.”

seduction cheeseburger


ARG!  What’s truly maddening is that it is hard enough to say no to her when I am sporting a major DETERMINED groove. When I am wondering what would work better/best/etc., I am toast.

So I was thinking about that, this morning, and my exact thought was, this won’t get better until you MAKE THAT DECISION, once and for all, and do NOT revisit it.

And then it hit me. That’s DECISION FATIGUE and EGO DEPLETION, you nitwit.

The website I linked to above suggests that a cheat day is a good solution for ego depletion–based on the idea you can just “wait just a few days” makes it easier to say no. For me, physiologically, that does not seem to be true. The opposite, in fact. A cheat day starts the whole carb craving thing all over again (although I do enjoy having one meal a week or so that is higher in calories/fat–but that would not help me when what I want is ice cream,  you know?)

I think the answer is a little different. And unlike what I wrote before, I don’t think it is the Noms themselves that do the trick (although that is helpful, fewer decisions mean less fatigue and more brainpower for better choices). No, I think it all comes down to DECIDING that you are going to stick to The Plan (whatever that is). The “and stick to it” is easy (okitsreallyhardsometimesbuteasiER) if you have made a commitment.

Right now, I am “toying with” (and I have to note that “toying” is exactly what I have been doing!) these options–going to set them out for all to see, and make a DECISION tonight. This is not a “delay and eat more” thing, this is taking the time to make a reasoned decision, and committing to it, 110% plus. Here are the options:

Food Plan Options – the issue here is that having heard about all the benefits of fasting, I can’t NOT do it. But HOW to do it?

Option 1: Continue with Noms, but try to maximize fasting window at night — basically compact my noms a bit so that I don’t eat after dinner at all, and fast until breakfast, then delay breakfast bar slightly to achieve a minimum window of fasted time (if so, what’s the goal? There is an IF plan that calls for fasting 16 hours, compacting food into 8, which is not really possible and eat all the Noms, but I could shoot for 12 hours, 8 to 8, and see how that helps my progress and health.

Option 2: Take a break from Noms. Try the Eat Stop Eat plan, which calls for eating “normally” four or five days a week, and fasting 1 or 2 days a week. I’d be lying if I said taking a Nom break wasn’t appealing, as is ‘eating normally.” Flaw is, I can’t eat “normally” without triggering the hell out of myself, foodwise. So I guess I’d be eating “normally for a Paleo type diet.”

Option 3: Stick with Noms, as is, but fast one day a week, building up to 2 days. Concern: that kind of IF is not really meant to go with low calorie diets like Noms. I wonder if I would rebound and be more starving after?


Exercise Plan Options (because I am going to do this deciding thing ONCE, danggit, and stick with it):

Option 1: kettlebells, three times a week. Simple, neat, effective (I hear).

Option 2: WAtP videos – they worked before, and really add to my cardio-fitness, which I need for my July vacation. Also simple, also easy. Can do the 1 mile at work on break.

Option 3: T-Tapp – really startlingly helpful when I have done it before, harder than the other two to execute but with a lot of other health benefits.

Option 4: some combination of the above. Problem: T-Tapp, the one I am most inclined to combine with something, is really big on only doing T-Tapp and having your rest days. Similarly, The Swing people are all “less is more.” I may say screw it and do (for example) Swings on Sun/Tues/Thurs, T-Tapp on MWF. (and no, I do not delude myself that I will hit every one, but I will hit more than if I do NOT have a plan. AND I need to be in a get up at the same time every day mode, and without a plan, I will sleep in on the non-exercise day!)
There you have it. Decisions, decisions. PLEASE share your thoughts below, I would love some advice.






I’ve been sick

One of my mom’s very favorite jokes* is about an elephant and mouse who meet each other in the jungle. The mouse looks at the elephant, and loooks down at himself. He looks back up at the elephant, and back down at himself again.

elephant mouse


Finally, he looks back at the elephant and says….

“I’ve been sick.”

Yeah, I can identify, little mouse.


I HAVE been sick, but like the size disparity in mouse and elephant, that does not really account for, explain, or excuse my current situation. Due to about 100 little things and a couple big ones, mostly at work, I have been SICK at my stomach, but I have also been:

  • sad
  • angry
  • frustrated
  • tired
  • pissed off
  • stymied
  • exhausted
  • stressed
  • gritting my teeth
  • overly emotional
  • mad

And Lil Kitteh thought that maybe I just:

  • needed the comfort of “real” food
  • deserved to have whatever I wanted because I was stressed
  • deserved to be eating badly and feeling badly because I wasn’t able to solve the real problems (so I should be punished)
  • needed the escape of eating until I was numb

And really, all it did was:

  • make me feel worse emotionally
  • make me feel worse physically
  • distract me from what I COULD HAVE been working on
  • compound my physical illness and lengthen it

It really was not that bad–things like a biscuit with my eggs for a planned healthy dinner (but not 3 or 4 binge biscuits as I once would have done). Or having that glass of wine I wasn’t going to have. My calories have all been south of 1000, every single day. But my body is SO VERY RESPONSIVE to increased carbs that today, my scale said 299.0.**

kitteh horror

I’m back on track today. And I am on track NOT because I am excited/motivated/happy/eager, but because I am completely aware that if I don’t do this now, I will be on an increasingly fast fall back into the hell I so recently escaped.

I don’t feel motivated. But I do feel determined. A little bit angry. A lot ashamed. A lot frustrated. But mostly determined. Can’t undo it–but I can STOP doing it again.

determination cat 1


*Trust me when I say, her OTHER favorites are even worse. Yeah, explains a lot, doesn’t it?

**I don’t think that’s real. But it IS sobering.

Scratchen mah head

So I’m 13 days on plan today, and I am UP 12 lbs.* Impressive, no?

I wish I could say something like I have been cheating. I have not been super strict on my L&G portions, but I am baffled as to why I would go the WRONG direction instead of at least maintaining.

Needless to say, I have to figure this out.

Here’s my plan:

  1. 100% plan perfection with Noms.
  2. 100% plan perfection with Lean & Green.
  3. Avoid sodium like the plague.
  4. Avoid alcohol like the plague.
  5. Start new vitamins  that are supposed to help metabolism (did this Saturday, was rewarded with going UP FOUR POUNDS on Sunday and holding on to them today).
  6. Chug the water (been terrible about this since break).
  7. Start kettle bell work outs with DH.**


ETA: Looking at this list, I can tell you where my problem lies: it’s No. 2. I have been more than just “not super strict,” I have eaten quasi-on plan but not counted carbs or calories (or portion size, or paid any attention to salt or cheese, which always makes me puff up like a balloon).

And if I am brutally honest (but ugh, who wants that?) I am using that last meal to comfort myself from being hungry all day.


That is no way to eat. Well, not and lose.

In fact, thinking about it, I used to do this a LOT: “I’ll eat not super strict at meals until I get through the worst of the back on plan” was my mantra for the first three or four attempts at Noms.

Didn’t work then;, shockingly, not working now.

OK campers. Off to review the Noms website for the actual ROOLS for lean and green.

And then follow them.



*OK, some of that is water, I am SURE of it. Held over from a sushi/sashimi night on Saturday with soy sauce and some rice, after a day of NO water. And it could also be hormones. But still. GEEZ!

**DH finished night school! Hurrah!!!!  And he submitted his paper last night and ON HIS OWN texted me this morning with something like “up for learning some kettle bell tonight?” so this is happening. Yay!