News from Kitteh world: after four nights of dinner after 9:30 pm (Vacation Bible School week), leaving me bloaty and unhappy the next day (who knew I would grow to infinitely prefer sleeping on an empty or mostly empty stomach?!) I am at 280.0 this morning. However, I am fully aware that this is bloat and not-yet-digested ahi tuna and salad from my 10:15 nosh – and if I wasn’t sure of it, my other news would make it clear: I am wearing Avenue size 22 capris today!!
They are tighter than the 24s (naturally) but comfy enough to sit and walk in, and they look FINE. So! I’m down from toobigforAvenue28 (???!!!) to 22 since January – that’s 4+ (28-26-24-22) sizes. I happy kitteh.
OK, so – back to Dr. Phil, for his last KEY – unlocking a “circle of support.”
The steps are:
- Sort out the saboteurs from the supporters
- Assemble your support team (coach, teammate, cheerleader, umpire)
- Reopen negotiations with your family (if they haven’t been supportive)
- Create accountability
This reminds me of the most recent Extreme Makeover Weight Loss that just came on (don’t know when, DVR found it for me) with Chris Powell (who is worth watching no matter what the subject, rrwawr). The episode started with the (400 lb) guy engaged to a somewhat overweight woman who theoretically supported him but (as evidenced by the probably selectively chosen screen shots) thought she could be supportive and he could lose weight without making any ACTUAL changes in their lifestyle. She grew increasingly upset with his lack of attention to her and focus on exercise. After the first Phase (3 months), he was lighter by 104 lbs and one fiance. The END of the episode, he was down 200+ lbs (in a year) and proposed to another girl as the epilogue – one who supported him and what he wanted to do (but was not super thin, her own self).
I am very lucky in that my live in family is very supportive. Hubs somehow perfectly walks the line between being happy and excited that I am losing (and giving me lavish compliments) and yet never making me feel unpretty at any size. Do not ask me how he accomplishes this, for I do not know. But he does. My kiddos are really still too young to be a factor as far as daily support goes – my oldest does occasionally notice I am smaller and say sweet things, and I have brought her into the loop from the beginning (as discussed in earlier posts). But she is certainly too young to be a saboteur!
Friends and family for weight loss support can be a mixed bag, yes? They seem to fall into four camps:
- The ones with NO weight problem who have never had one, can’t usually figure out what the big deal is. These are folks who never had any emotional attachment to food. They are aliens. They can be super supportive, though – if you can look past their alien-ness – they want to cheer you on and they have no personal stake in how you do it, they are just happy for you. (NOTE: Unless they are the type of “friend” who has used “you are heavier than me” as the “I’m better than you in this area” crutch to be friends with you up till now. Those people, no matter what their weight, have a vested interest in keeping you fat. Ditch ’em and ditch ’em fast.)
- Then there are the ones who used to have a weight problem that they have conquered. They can also be great supporters and full of tips – but they also sometimes think that they have the magic answer and that if you would just do what they did, you would lose it too. This is especially tricky to navigate when you aren’t able to do what they did, for whatever reason, and/or when they lost a significant amount of weight (say, 30+ lbs) and therefore THINK they know what being heavy is like – but really have no CLUE about what the 100 Club is like.
- Then there are those who currently have a weight problem. If they are actively working on that, it can be good or horribly horribly bad. What if you are having success and they are not? What if THEY are having success and you are not? It can be hard to share suggestions without sounding prescriptive, and even more so if the advice is coming from the one currently in a losing mode.
In my case, I have a weensy little competitive streak (/wink) that I have worked to squelch in a lot of areas. I can now play board games and MOSTLY not care if I win or lose – by which I mean I can pretend to be a good sport. I know how to act – even if I’m inside a little irritated at losing. 🙂 Or maybe I should say, I have learned not to have temper tantrums. But when I get around other competitive people who are full-on smack talking, I get mad at them for not behaving themselves, too – and all of that healthy competition that I boarded up comes ROARING out as unhealthy nastiness.
Naturally, when it comes to weight loss, I seem to have an abundance of competitive friends – from the inyourface competitive ones who want to have a COMPETITION to the passive aggressive ones who share success and never discuss problems and that (and this is hardest of all to deal with) you can just tell (because they don’t hide it very well, or possibly because I am very empathic) take at least a little bit of happy out of your oopses or lack of success – because that means they are ahead/better/whatever.
Mind you, these people are REALLY my friends – lovely people! – but it is like something weird happens to women around weight. Or maybe that’s just me. 😉
You know, when I think about it, this dumping of weight that I am doing in 2012 (and as long as it takes) differs from Every.Other.Attempt. of my life in one major respect: I have not tried to do it with anyone. I have not tied my success to theirs. I have very little chance for comparison and competition. I report results here, and and sometimes talk strategy with a close friend (who happens to also be my nanny and so who I see daily and eat 5 out of 7 “real” meals with) and we are mostly successful in being supportive. (IMHO, anyway.) She started on a similar plan (for herself, and very different) on April 1 – and is also having great results. I am now TOTALLY REFUSING to calculate any comparisons 🙂 but she is down over 20 lbs and I am genuinely happy for her. 🙂 But if she stops, or gets derailed, or whatever – it will have no bearing on me. Conversely, I am not going to get wound up – as hard as that can be – in how well she is doing or obsess about whether she is doing better and whether that is “fair” because she is working as hard or harder. (Don’t you HATE that?) Because? It has no bearing on me . Well, other than I am trying to sweet talk her out of her old pants as she replaces them 😉 (She is between one size and one and half size and a half “ahead” of me, or maybe I should say behind me? – smaller than me, anyway!) so that’s perfect. 😉 But this plan is mine. It works. Doing it is between me, myself and I – a commitment to me. Dependent on me. And that kinda feels great. 🙂
So yeah, Dr. Phil. I see your point about support. But at the moment I am really relishing in being accountable to myself, first and foremost.