My nice steady .5 lbs per day took a leap forward today, and I vaulted down another 2.5 lbs, bringing my total to 21.5. The exciting, dramatic, happiness inducing thing about this? I am officially into the next set of numbers on the scale. And it’s a big move – it’s not that second place digit that moved, it’s that third digit. Oh, OK – I will stop being coy. I moved OUT of the 3s and into the 2s. And as I told my husband (who so sweetly blinked and said “you were in the 3s? Wow. Great job.”) and one of my weight loss BFFs (who cheered for me): I hate the 2s, but not as much as I hate those 3s. 🙂
So. To the four of you who read this blog, you now know my dark secret. Of course, I think you already knew or intuited it, so that’s why I decided to be coy.
But I was talking about this the other day with a friend, and this seems like an opportunity to comment on it. Why is it that we hide our “number” so much? I have to think that everyone who is overweight, like me, is well aware that other people know they are overweight. It’s kind of visible, by definition.
But then, I already know the answer. We hide our number because in our minds (and in reality, too, in some cases – see my husband’s comment), people may know we are fat but they don’t always know we are THAT fat. Of course, one reason they don’t know is because everyone either hides their number or lies about it. (I’ve always preferred just hiding it, but I admit I never troubled to correct the number on my driver’s license, which has been carried over from when I was about 21…)
And for people like me, who “weigh heavy” (or as my friend says, “is made of rocks,”) we really don’t look like we weigh what we actually weigh. And more importantly, we don’t really need to weigh what those insurance charts say we should weigh.
I’ll make it personal. I have another weight loss BFF who I am pretty sure weights almost 100 lbs less than me. 100 lbs, people!!! But she is currently wearing a 20/22 pant, where I am wearing a 24/26 pant. Let’s compare her low number to my high – a size 20 to a size 26. That’s 3 sizes. I will guaran-dang-tee you that I will not have to lose 100 lbs to be in a 20. In fact, I was wearing a 12 when I weighed more than she weighs right now (assuming my guess is basically correct). 100 lbs over 3 sizes = about 34 lbs per size. No way. When I get down another 34 lbs, I will be in a 20/22, not a 22/24, if past history is any indication. Leaving me 70 lbs or so heavier than she is, when she is wearing the same size.
This was ever so – when I was wearing a 6/8, people (and I include carnies at fairs) guessed my weight to be between 80-100 lbs. Real number? 125-130. I won lots of stuffed animals that way.
The first friend I mentioned, the one who also “weighs heavy”, thinks this is unfair in the direction of “I weigh more than I look like and that isn’t fair because my number is waay bigger.” I kind of get that, after much head scratching. Actually, I get it pretty good when I remember being in high school and absolutely MORTIFIED of my number (a whopping 125), even though no one EVER guessed that (including professionals, see above).
To me, I feel like I am cheating. My number is basically a secret (if you can discount posting it more or less anonymously on this blog). But my size? it’s right out in the open. So if you see me in a 20 and assume I weigh 70 lbs less than I do, I am totally cool with that. 🙂
Anyway. Things are going in very much the right direction. And I am just too happy about it not to share, even though it means outing the embarrassing facts of my numbers and my size. 🙂
YAY FOR SHRINKS!
Oh – and to what do I attribute my better success the last week or two? (I count a steady .5 lb per day as VERY successful, even without the leap downward). I was going to post about THAT today, not knowing I would have this whole size thing to distract me.
Tune in Monday for my thoughts on the subject. 🙂