Remember I told you I was going to tell you about each “cure” in The Solution? Well the first one, which I am working with this week, is called the Needs cycle. You check in with yourself periodically and ask:
-What do I feel?
-What do I need?
-Do I need help with that?
Simple. Deceptively simple.
Tricks include NOT substituting a thought for a feeling; not getting scared of feelings and avoiding them; and not understanding that feelings are temporary and can be ridden out. That last bit is very Zen–OBSERVE your feeling but don’t get frightened of it.
I honestly don’t think this one is so hard for me, but i am just doing them in order. The Limits Cycle is next and I anticipate that one being scarier. 🙂 I’m trying to give them a week at a time to practice and see how they go.
I did have one success: couple nights ago, I was on line with Mr. Kitteh and thinking in the back of my mind about going down for unauthorized munching.
How was I feeling? stressed, scared… inadequate. Inadequate to the task of being a good mommy. Fear about the new school year and the new policies and stuff I have to learn/deal with, feeling very behind the 8 ball because the other moms have been there, done that on most of the school stuff and this is all new for me.
What did I need? Reassurance that I was doing the best I could and that it was going to be enough. That i did not, in fact, suck as a mommy.
Did I need help? No, actually, although I teared up a bit and thought about bringing up with DH, as soon as I recognized what was going on in my hindbrain, it… went away. And I quite honestly forgot about that niggling thought that I could go down for unauthorized munching. FORGOT, not resisted.