in which Kitteh shrinks away oodles of fluff

Let’s be honest, kiddos.

Part of me is really aggravated to be losing these pound AGAIN–and both frightened and aghast at how fast I was able to go from 281 at the start of the year (just six pounds above lowest) to 300 again, all while “trying” to get started again. I mean, I maintained THROUGH THE STINKING HOLIDAYS in a 3-6 lbs band, and then I go and gain a ton of weight while I am trying to restart?

Every time I think about it, my blood boils. I get frustrated. And I want to … yeah, you guessed it. Say “screw it” and eat a french-fried shetland pony. 🙂

So this morning, I was mentally celebrating “on track!” and I had a terrible urge to start kicking myself around about the gain. I resisted it pretty hard and then this thing I saw floating on Facebook a few weeks ago popped into my head:

If you are depressed, you are living in the past. If you are anxious, you are living in the future.

Huh.

So I wasn’t thinking I’m depressed, but I was thinking: I am living in the past. And yeah, that is having the effect of making me depressed and want to comfort eat.

And the more I think about it, the more I think failing to live/eat/behave in THIS MOMENT is one of the core reasons I can go off track, in two different ways. So without further ado, I shall share these thoughts with you guys and then… let it go:

First, when you are “planning to start” your weight loss program, whether tomorrow, next week, or next month, you are living in the future. And that makes Lil Kitteh very anxious indeed. Planning (and not immediately implementing) just creates this pressure to hurry up and eat that thing you otherwise wouldn’t eat NOW, because tomorrow you will not be allowing yourself to have it mentality.  I’m calling that living in Tomorrow-land. In this case, I “tomorrowed” myself up 19 pounds in less than two months. Impressive, scary, and yes, frustrating. And anxious is all it gets you.

anxiety kitteh

Second, I note that during that period, I got really distracted in that period of time by how and what other people were doing. I tried things that had worked for my friends, and didn’t see great results–which gave me permission to “start over” and took me right back to Tomorrow-land. Conclusion? jealousy of other’s success is also fatal to living in present. (Footnote: especially when you had a plan that was performing AS WELL OR BETTER as anything that friends were doing!)

jealous2 jelouz kitteh

 

Third, just as bad as living as if you will start “tomorrow” is living in the past. Yup, my present is not as low a weight as my December was. Yup, I am having to RE-DO some hard work, because I got caught up in Tomorrow-land. But if I live in Yesterday-ville and keep beating myself up for it, I get depressed. Depressed kittehs… well, they overeat and don’t take care of themselves.

depressed kitteh cheez2 depressed kitteh cheezburger

So there you have it. I am going to do my best to stop looking for someone else’s solutions. I am going to eat right and work out today, and stop stressing about “improvements” I could make, whether from someone else’s program or from my own. And I am going to stop doing the maths over and over of where I would be if I had not had my little Jan-Feb detours. Because after all, the ROAD up the mountain may be winding, but what counts is that I GET THERE!

determination cat 1

 

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