I have let myself get completely exhausted.
First, there were the things beyond my control: a lot of travel in a row, two sick kids, a lot going on at school and church. Then there were the things I COULD control: my bedtime, my water intake (nothing makes me feel more exhausted than being dehydrated) and my food. Finally, I forgot (for realz) until early last week that I was running an all day thing on Saturday that would have me leaving the house at 7 am on the one day I usually get to rest – and I was reassigned a role in the program on Friday at 10pm that had me up until almost 2 writing my presentation.
To top it off, I missed my last work packet on Friday because the Saturday team was going to have an early dinner while we worked. Then dinner didn’t show until late. And when it finally got there, I looked at my oh-so-virtuous order (chicken kabobs with veggies and a Greek salad) and saw that the entire thing was nested in rice.
I ate it anyway. ‘
I didn’t eat the rice, or the pita that came with the salad, but I ate the chicken without scraping off every last rice bit.
So let’s review: take a tired kitteh, dehydrate her, deny her the Noms for several extra hours, and feed her some rice bits. Any guesses as to what happened? If you think “raging carb cravings within an hour” you are SPOT ON. I resisted them all that night, throughout the torture of being awake until 2am plus, but when confronted with the brunch food at the event (“it’s just eggs!”) I caved. FYI? QUICHE is NOT just eggs. So I ate quiche. And fruit. And I had no business touching any of it, but by the time I was done I realized I was going to have to detox AGAIN for the third time since July and I am REALLY IRKED at myself.
Not for the going off plan, but for the getting myself so worn down and tired and dehydrated that going off plan seemed the easiest thing to do.
It is NOT easy. It is NEVER easy. Because getting back on plan is HELL ON EARTH and it gets easier and easier, the longer you are off, to put off the process.
End result: I am nearly comatose right now. Last night at 11:17 pm, I got sick of the whole being a sick exhausted mess, and went to bed. So I snagged almost seven hours sleep, broken up by the fact that No. 2’s sinus infection seems to be moving into his chest (despite being on an antibiotic) and he coughed all night. It was not enough. But it was a start.
So here I am, moaning.
Now, nefar-fear. i am not moaning for no reason. I am here to tell you that I have had my epiphany (right about 11:17, in fact).
It will not be easy to get back on plan. In fact, “Hell On Earth” is a fair assessment. It will require fortitude and discipline, both of which are in short supply when you are exhausted. But I am going to treat this as if I were ill (I will be soon for realz if I don’t). Early bed. Coddling as best I can manage it. Because the fact is, as hard as it is going to be to get BACK on plan, it is easier RIGHT NOW than it will be if I cheat at lunch. Or if I am off the rest of today. Really, it will get harder and harder. And I am NOT willing to gain weight back. And I am NOT willing to end the year at less than 50 lbs down (275) and in fact, I am NOT CONTENT WITH 50, unless I have done everything I can to move past it and I am stalled.
So, here’s a reminder, insidious little tired kitteh: You said NO to this for the YEAR. The YEAR is not over. Do not even THINK about touching anything off plan.