in which Kitteh shrinks away oodles of fluff

98 Days

So I guess it would be more poetic if I had done this a couple days ago, when it was an even one hundred – but 98 is how many days are left in 2012 – my (first) year of just do it.

Here’s a very short update for you (because as usual, not enough time in the day): had a great business trip, nice birthday, and terrifical extended family vacay to Mouse Country, where per my Fitbit we walked THOUSANDS of steps every day. Ate on the Disney Dining Plan because you can’t buy it for some but not all of the party. Did as well as I wanted to do – meaning, I ate maintenance level stuff most of the time, discarded buns, didn’t order fries or rice or heavy carbs, with the single and glorious (and planned) exception of ice cream for the (pre-paid so practically free?!) dessert on two nights. The first night, it was butter pecan in a waffle cone and I had a single scoop and pitched most of the cone. The last night, my “friend” picked it up for me and got two scoops (already paid for, you know!) and I ate The Entire Thing. But I did it on purpose.

So coming back, the scale said 286.4 – an impressive ELEVEN POUND gain – some of which is going to be wonky hydration after the broiling FL heat and travel, some of which is likely new muscle after a SERIOUS boot camp of walking a dozen miles or more daily, some of which is hormonal (hello, nasty PMS), and the majority of which is likely the ice cream. We’ll see what’s left after a week of normalcy and I will call that the “real” holiday gain, for future planning purposes.

On the one hand? Totally OK with it. Planned it, enjoyed it. Thankful I started at 275 so it didn’t get worse. Thankful I never “lost my head” and ate just to eat or because it was free, or because I had decided to eat “whatever I wanted.” I picked things deliberately, and more than once tossed things that just didn’t taste as good as I expected and were not worth it. 

On the other hand, it was a little disconcerting to see so very MUCH gain. Like I said, I will wait and see what is left after a week, and I am sure that with my fantastic powers of optimism, I am remembering my successes more than my failures – a good skill for being happy but a lousy one for being stern. And I wasn’t sure about timing of the hormone thing, so that is clearly a “pile on” situation. But really? Eleven pounds in twelve days? I am positive that I did not consume an EXTRA 40,000 (that’s FORTY-THOUSAND) extra calories. So some of this had better be fake.

And on the third hand (shut up), I am now detoxing (pumping the water, sticking to the Noms and very strictly to the Lean and Green) and contemplating the fact that… there are 98 days to go.

Here’s the thing. Somewhere in my head, I think I EXPECTED to stop around 50 lbs. Like, 50 lbs would be a good goal for the year, and having met it, I am “done.” Not “I am the size I want to be” done. Not “I’ve done enough for now and I will take a break done.” More “I’m back to a size I am more used to and, well, 50 lbs in a year is something to be proud of and more would be greedy” done.

So now I am mulling this over. And realizing this:

THERE IS NO FREAKING REASON WHY I SHOULD PLATEAU HERE – and I have NOT plateaued, not really! I have merely STOPPED WORKING AS HARD.

So, here’s to the next 98 days. That’s more than a quarter of the year left – October through December is the fiscal fourth quarter, right? And I am historically the most energetic in the fall, when the weather cools off. I am going to stop thinking in limited terms of “this much by this date.” I am going to think of it as the last sprint to the finish line – fly as fast as I can, as focused as I can be.

No more mind games, because frankly? I don’t need ’em. Cutting the BS, it comes down to whether I want it bad enough to do the work and say NO to things that don’t advance the goal.

And I do.

So I will.

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