in which Kitteh shrinks away oodles of fluff

daily grind

My own personal stress level has been mounting as we get closer and closer to “D Day” at work – July 10, the filing date for a massive (100+ page) tome, not counting supporting documents, that is the last hurrah from our end (before trial anyway) for a case we’ve had for 14 years and litigated for 5. We’ve been working on this since May 1 but really since last summer we have been working to position ourselves to do it – getting command of all the facts generated in discovery, etc.

I’m also stressed because Kid No. 1 was away from home. She’s back now, but in camp and starved for my attention, and about to go out again next week (with Kid No. 2 this time) to the OTHER grandparents’ house (my parents) for July 4th without us and to stay through the July 10 date.

I’m also stressed because I took on a Tuesday night commitment that has been more challenging than I expected, in some unexpected ways – it’s a “Wisdom for Wives” class that I thought would be a fun way to socialize – and to some degree it is – but I have three other church friends coming to this thing, which is in my neighborhood, so I have to go (which is a good thing, keeps me going – but stressed) and I have to admit, I am a little stressed because it focuses so much on PROBLEMS in marriage. I do not have these problems, which on the one hand makes me feel grateful and on the other makes me want to FIX IT for these people who do – and this class is just NOT going to fix it. Not like *I* could, if I wrote one, taught one, etc. So yeah – weirdly, that’s stressful to me. I feel like that is something I could do, should do, and that stresses me out because I am not doing it right now.

I’m also stressing about my fitbit. I gave myself the first week (and a half really because I got it on a Wed I think) to just monitor and see where I already WAS before trying to up my activity. But it is making me realize how much my desk jockey job keeps me sedentary – as do my hobbies: gaming online with DH, writing, blogging, studying, even the whole “write a wives curriculum” means more butt time.

And I want to lose more, faster. Perversely, this stresses me out – which makes me less likely to stay on plan.

What I am coming to realize is, there is NO “big moment” – no time where I will get to heroically do this One Big Thing, there will be applause, and then I will be skinny. Nope, doesn’t work that way.

Instead, there is just the daily grind. Grinding out the day, mostly to no fanfare, NOT doing things that would be counterproductive and NOT sliding into bad habits. NOT giving in to the stress and drinking or eating things off plan in order to self medicate.

It’s the CUMULATIVE EFFECT of all those LITTLE decisions – the decision to control the amount of PB I put on my brownie at night instead of glopping some on, the decision to go back to the PT place AGAIN and do ANOTHER 10-15 min session to keep building my cardio tolerance and metabolism. The decision to NOT compare myself to other people and just DO what is working – those are the things that ultimately have me in smaller pants.

So here’s to you, daily grind. There’s no big moment to recognize you, but it is the only way to change your life!


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