This morning, I had a whoosh – from 288.0 yesterday to 286.0 today! What’s more, the “rolling numbers” before it settled on 286 were all in the 284-285 range – down, instead of up! This is obviously awesome, and it means a lot:
First, it validates the way I was feeling. I was SEEING the 289/290 on the scale but FEELING thinner and, well, mushier. Like I was deflating. And my clothes were getting looser. So it is very nice to see it show up on the scale, but it gives me another frame of reference. In the past, I have occasionally been guilty of “feeling thinner,” not seeing any movement, getting mad, and letting Lil Kitteh have her way. Very cool to stick through it and see that I was right! (Or wrong, but lost later – doesn’t really matter.) 🙂
Second, it means I have only 1 more lb to go to (in the next 20 days) to keep up my 10/month average, which is my personal goal standard. I mean, I have no objection to losing more 🙂 and no intention of quitting or even changing anything if I don’t reach that (and I even am prepared for the fact that eventually it may slow down just because 10 lbs becomes a larger percent loss, but I don’t want to say I “expect” it because heaven knows I want to keep my expectations high!) But obviously the longer I can keep it up, the further along I will be. In fact, just last night I was thinking as I got ready for bed that I might not hit it this month (now I think I will!) but things are already SO MUCH BETTER and that even as I lose more slowly, I will have more patience because I will have the results data to say, this works, keep going. And if I keep it up all year, I would lose 120 lbs!!!! Wouldn’t that just be phenomenal?! To dream a moment, that would put me at 205 – breathing down the neck of ONEderland – at Christmas. And if I could get to 205, whose to say I can’t get to 199?
Those are dreams, of course – I don’t know that I can keep up the 10/month for the entire year. But I am sure going to try!
And one other thing: last night, we went to a Mexican restaurant for dinner with my inlaws. I ignored the chips – even though they were superthin and crisp and everyone was chowing on them and talking about how good they were – because right now, I am carb-detoxed and frankly the urge, the impulse, the crazeh, is not there (thank GOD) and I just literally refused to look at them or let them sit in my brain. For dinner, I ordered their version of the Cobb salad. I asked for dressing on the side, and it came in a little tiny tortilla cup. You know the ones? Well, in the past, I know full well that Lil Kitteh would have said, gosh, what a perfect size. You can eat just that little bit of tortilla and it won’t hurt anything. And I did look at it hard for a moment – for some reason, tortilla that has had ranch dressing soaking in it seemed like the perfect non-cheaty naughty thing. On the “pro” side, it was just a small thing, probably less than 7 carbs total, and it was all dressing-y. There weren’t more on the table like it so I could eat “all of it” and still not be over calories or carbs. But that is OLD thinking.
What I first thought of is, that is how it ALWAYS STARTS. You eat something that does not put you OVER and would be OK if you didn’t have this problem processing carbohydrates and keeping your head sane, and the next thing you know, whether it is tonight or a week from tonight after a steady slide of binges, you will be eating a basket of tortillas and having to start all over. And you won’t start over right away, and you will slide into gaining for a bit. NO NO NO NO. I reject this. I will NOT do that! So what did I do?
At a brass tacks level, I thought: it PROBABLY tastes like old grease. And I dwelt on THAT for a moment to really recall to mind how cold, old tortillas taste (instead of the salty hot deliciousness that Lil Kitteh was whispering about). And once I had THAT taste FIRMLY IN MIND, I said, “Lil Kitteh, there is NO WAY that the taste of that would be worth the torture of three days or more of detoxing from carbs.” And to my utter surprise, SHE EVEN AGREED WITH ME.
That, my friends, is REAL progress. 🙂