in which Kitteh shrinks away oodles of fluff

The good  news is, the water whooshed away yesterday and I am down to 292.4 – so less than half a pound from my 292 goal – which will be THIRTY pounds down.

So this is what I was thinking this morning in the shower: at this rate (and it is a GOOD rate, I KNOW that!!) I can and will hit 30 lbs down before March, which will have me averaging 10 lbs a month for the first three months. Can I get a WHOO HOO?

And that made me think – wow. Thirty pounds down. That’s over halfway to 50. And there’s a “thing” about fifty pounds. That will be the most I have ever lost – in one run anyway. I have lost 40-45 lbs many times (and gained it all back and then some, obviously) but I have never crossed that fifty pound mark. So it is really exciting to think that at this rate, I will be crossing that fifty pound line by June!!!

And THAT led me to think, there’s another thing about fifty pounds. Fifty pounds off is 272, and that is one of my personal “magic numbers.”  You see, when I got pregnant with Thing 2, I was out of shape and miserable, the biggest I had ever been, after a year of pneumonia and other health problems. In fact, the weekend I found out about the pregnancy, which was also the weekend of my daughter’s third birthday party, I had just joined a gym and hired a trainer to get back in shape. I just knew I could be back down to where I was when Thing 1 was born (three years before and about fifty pounds) in nothing flat. That day, I weighed right at 272 lbs.

And even though I have gained another FIFTY POUNDS since then, 275-ish the number I have been at “in my head” ever since. Even when I hit 300, it seemed temporary, not “real” weight that I would have to shave off, bit by slow-going bit. And I really never registered that I was actually almost TWENTY-FIVE pounds above 300 when I started in January.

So on the one hand, part of me is gleeful that I am closing in on 50 lbs down. More than halfway there, even. But then there is this other, tiny, incredulous part of my brain that is like, REALLY? I am going to have lost FIFTY POUNDS just to get back to where I THOUGHT I WAS?!  How delusional WAS I?

But I am going to choose to just quietly acknowledge that thought  (“Yes, Virginia, there is a Santa Claus… and you REALLY WERE ENORMOUS”) and move back to the happy side of the street. Because when I get to fifty pounds lost, I will be:

  1. crossing the 50 mark for the first time
  2. almost 30% of the way to losing the 175 lbs that I am GOING to lose
  3. erasing the last four years of abuse and weight from my body and 
  4. starting on erasing the next phase of weight – the period from Baby 1 to Baby 2 – another three years to erase by losing another fifty pounds.

Now realistically, if I keep up 10 lbs/month, I could be back there by OCTOBER. How amazing would it be to be working on the “real” pre-baby weight by November?


Comments on: "Mixed feelings (as usual)…." (1)

  1. Woohoo! That’s fantastic! Isn’t it nice when you can look back and suddenly see that you’re more than halfway to your current goal? Suddenly the rest seems so much easier. Great job.

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