This morning, I weighed 306.2.
That number should freak me out. After all, it’s where I started when I got the new scales. Oddly, it does not. Here is what I think is making the difference.
1. I am dead positive that it is temporary – I don’t even consider it “real” – after all, I won’t consider 299 real until I have held it for a week, it only seems fair to treat temporary “up” in the same fashion.
2. It isn’t fat. No way I gained 5 lbs of fat in the last 2 days. Not even with the crackers and dressing I ate Sunday night with my failed wine experiment.
3. I think it may be PMS related. I should be starting this week near the end. That will be the analog to my first week on programme, when I lost the 9 lbs. In fact, I long ago noted the pattern that when I start, I lose several pounds, and sometimes I regain one or even two of them, but I never go back to the weight I was before that period. I don’t know if it is water or hormones – doesn’t fat store estrogen? and how does that interact with losing fat and my estrogen surges during my cycle? But I don’t have to understand all that, I just have to observe the pattern and be patient.
4. EVEN IF it was real, and fat, I wouldn’t be changing anything for another 11.5+ months.
5. I continue to peruse old blogs of successful losers. Not the before and after eye candy – glitzy and exciting and feeding my craving for instant gratification. Oh no. I am re-reading the blog – ground up – watching them struggle and grapple and go up and down.
It’s hard to be fat. It’s hard to lose weight. I choose the hard of losing weight.