in which Kitteh shrinks away oodles of fluff

Experiment result: fail

I entered the weekend pretty excited. I’d made the 1 month mark, so I am officially 1/12 of the way through The Year Of Discipline. More specifically, I had made it through the January Purge, and so I was ready to try reintroducing a weekend glass of wine. 

Let me interrupt myself to add that I was also in a good mood because after reviewing a ton of dieter’s blogs, I was able to grasp the fact that MANY of the people who have lost 100+ lbs had “worse” first months than me. In other words, some took 3 months or more  to lose their first 20 lbs, which I accomplished in January. This makes me happy because (a) they did it, even though it didn’t happen instantly; and (b) let’s face facts, it’s always nice to feel that you are NOT, after all, the SLOWEST LOSER EVER (even though I already do feel that way, compared with my IRL friends, all of whom are losing about as much as me OR MORE and all of whom eat A LOT MORE THAN ME, but I digress).

So back to my experiment. Friday night, we opened one of the two bottles of wine that has been sitting on my buffet for the last 5 weeks. One sip, and YUCK – it had turned bad at some point. So we opened Bottle No. 2. Can you see this coming? Yes, it also had turned. Now, these were weird Muscadine wines that I was kind of into back in November-December, and perhaps they are not meant to have the same shelf life as other reds, but it seemed odd. Perhaps the lot was bad? In any case, since that was all we had, except for DH’s port (which is way too sweet for me), I decided to wait on my glass of wine.

Saturday was a good day for packets and I was very active – so much so that when the kids were abed I collapsed onto the sofa and watched random DVR’d TV and then went up to bed. Sunday, I got donned one of my favorite dresses for church and discovered that instead of a cute little drape over it all body skimming dress, I now had a sack. So much so that DH and daughter both told me I looked “weird.” So yay. As DH pointed out, sad to lose the dress from the rotation, but visible progress.

I spent most of Sunday looking forward to online gaming with DH and friends after kid’s bedtimes, and planning to enjoy a glass of wine with gaming for the first time in two months, since I was drinking in December but not gaming (inlaws visiting) and then gaming in January but not drinking. Anyway.

The wine was not as tasty as I expected. I didn’t enjoy it much at all, which turns out to be a blessing, because after I had that glass, I was starrrrrving. And not a little starve. And this DESPITE the fact that I had already enjoyed my usual Medifast brownie “dessert” and hot tea. And when we finished gaming and came up to watch a TV show before bed, I succuumbed to my starvelpation and ate about half a sleeve of club crackers dipped in ranch dressing. Why that? it was EXACTLY what I wanted. Then I wanted moremoremore and I am pleased to say (!) that I then decided to “reset” everything by eating one of my Medifast bars and pretending that whole ugly wine/crackers/dip thing had not happened.

I think that two things are responsible for the abberation: First, I had a glass of wine. Clearly, I am not to be trusted with the stuff. So that is out. Second, I think it was (in a way) counterproductive to have spent so much time thinking about how this whole thing is long term, and how it will take a whole year and more, because it gave the Evil Voice a toe-hold in my head to say things like “this is forever, it has to be livable – you should be able to cheat just a little on weekends – one bite shouldn’t matter.” And I went from eating 3 bites of leftover sausage on my son’s plate at a restaurant on Saturday, to subbing 100 calories of turnip fries for my fourth packet on Sunday, to having wineandeverythingelse Sunday night.

In other words, it is a slipperly slope, my friends. Kitteh cannot afford to put even one toe over dat line, or she finds herself stuffin her face.

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