in which Kitteh shrinks away oodles of fluff

Tuesday Shrinkspiration

On a wonderful website called FemCentral, there was a great post on how not to let your New Year’s Resolutions evaporate with the month of January, which apparently is what “they” say happens with 95% of folks. Laurie Erdman’s list of how to actually ACHIEVE your goals was a writing exercise, so naturally, I have to try it.

What do you want to achieve?

I want to weigh about 175 lbs less than I do right now.

Why?

  1. to be healthier
  2. to live longer
  3. to live life more fully
  4. to play with my kids
  5. to look good in clothes
  6. to look reasonably OK in a bathing suit if we go swimming (see No. 4)
  7. to fully enjoy travel again
  8. to have more confidence
  9. to enjoy shopping for clothes (or having them made for me)
  10. to like the way I look
  11. to have more confidence
  12. so my children will be proud of me
  13. so my husband will be proud of me*
  14. so I can break the cycle – my family is overweight and I don’t want to pass that part of my upbringing along
  15. to feel sexy/cute/pretty/attractive
  16. to have more energy
  17. to be more effective at the public parts of my job
  18. to have more confidence in my other public roles (at school, at church, etc.)
  19. to show myself I can do this
  20. so that I no longer had a “lose weight” goal on my list for the first time ever!

I’m sure there are more, but that’s the gist.

*Strangely, he is proud of me – or does a credible job of faking it. Lest anyone think the less of him for this comment, I am positive that my weight issue  for him is pretty much all about health and not abandoning him to raise two kids solo, but I can’t help but think he would enjoy having a prett(ier) wife, too. At the very least, *I* would like him to have a prett(ier) wife. 🙂

What will getting those things (in 1-20) do for you?

Well, some are self explanatory I guess, like living longer and more fully. The specifics of those are, I will be able to get more done and still have energy left over to do fun things with the family later. Routine tasks won’t be as exhausting, and somewhere in the process I will be able to do things like go to Disney without feeling like I’ve been mauled by angreh bears, take up running for my mental health again, and not hate photos. I will look forward to shopping and getting dressed up, and I won’t stress about “big events” and what to drape over mah body. I will overall be less stressed and happier. Not that my life will be perfect – but I would eliminate some of the random difficulties that there is no other reason for experiencing.

What holds you back?

Hmm. Teh Lazies, of course, when I just “don’t feel like” working out. So does exhaustion, although the Mask has helped enormously with that and it is more a matter of having the discipline to go to bed at a timely hour (since get up time is not terribly flexible!) instead of playing. Another problem is the lack of belief that it is possible, which I am working on here (as you know). We’ll call that faith. And I am hampered by my own desire for instant gratification: I have been dieting a whole MONTH and yet I am STILL FAT! 😉 Oh, and my occasional self deceptive talk about how I can vary things without consequence and my occasional rabid jealousy of people who can work half as hard at this and lose just as much or more weight, that gets in my way if I let it. Can I sum all that up as, ATTITUDE?

And a second thing is, my metabolism is shot and I have quite the health history to overcome. And coupled with a “results oriented” personality and competitive streak a mile wide, the urge to quit because “I’m no good at this anyway” is kind of always there.

What is it costing you to NOT do this thing?

I’m letting life literally slip past me. My babies are now almost 7 and 3 – I will never be able to go back in time and have sweet little photos of me holding them as babies, because I successfully avoided the camera. It’s costing me memories of the things we MIGHT be doing with them at previous ages – and at this age – because I don’t do some things because of my weight. It costs them pool time in the summer because I don’t want to go to the neighborhood pool in a swimsuit. It costs them play time in the culdesac because I don’t feel like standing outside with them. let alone playing with them. It costs me the memories we otherwise would make. It costs me a lot more to buy ugly fat clothes than if I could buy cute clothes for a slim(mer) me. It costs me health.  It costs me energy. It costs me enjoyment of time with my husband because sometimes I feel too hideous to get dressed up and go out, or take ballroom dancing lessons, or go running with him. It costs me a lot of pride. It costs me business opportunities because, let’s face it, people judge fat people. I don’t even know what other opportunities it has cost me, because it isn’t like people say “we would have picked you, had you not been fat.” In fact, I think it is more subtle and in their heads anyway – a nebulous don’t like instead of a “too fat.”  It’s also costing me packet money, which is not insubstantial. And it is costing me a FORTUNE in time that I could spend on something besides trying to lose weight and not doing it. And it is costing me my self esteem – not because I am not thin or attractive, but because I have said so many times that “this is it” and then dropped the ball.

How important is it to solve the obstacles?

Well. I’d have to say, on a scale of 1 to 10, it’s usually about an 8. But writing all that out makes me feel like it should be higher – the highest – because it is costing me a loss and causing a huge amount of anguish. So in that sense, this was a really successful exercise. I thought I knew the answers, and there is nothing “startling” here, but I really had not gone to the “what’s it costing you” place before and that really elevates the urgency, doesn’t it? 

What do you need to be successful?

The article suggests that “if you think it is just willpower, you will fail” and points you to consider things like a plan, support, accountablity, and daily action. My obstacles are pretty much all internal (or out of my control all together, like the shot metabolism and injuries that make it slower going). My plan – well, that’s what this whole blog is about, I won’t belabor it. Support for me is my husband and this site, and a few of my friends out there who reply. I have also dragged my entire office on this get healthy bandwagon.  Accountability – this blog and myself. Daily action: eat the noms, work out, stick to a true lean and green, BE PATIENT.

Hmmm, that was interesting – you should try it. 🙂

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Comments on: "Tuesday Shrinkspiration" (2)

  1. I am so honored to have inspired this beautiful exposition. Holding you with love and light.

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