in which Kitteh shrinks away oodles of fluff

 I read an awesome article a couple weeks ago – “30 Things To Stop Doing To Yourself” — and then I saw a marvelous version of the same for writers over at terribleminds, by Chuck Wendig – and well, I KNEW I needed to totally steal the concept and apply it to weight loss.  Which of course means yet another lecture to Little Kitteh, and that’s cool, because that Cat needs a LOT of discipline. And if it helps you, too, all the better.
 
1.  Stop Running Away.
Before you lies the rest of your life. Whether that is one year or fifty, who really knows? But the health you have tomorrow is dependant on nothing so much as what you choose to do (or not do) this very day. This very minute. The very choice you are making RIGHT NOW will determine whether you are rolling up in a wheel chair to your kid’s graduation. Don’t say you want one thing but then constantly make choices you know will achieve the opposite. You say you want to be healthy but have a million excuses why you didn’t exercise.
 
2. Stop Stopping.
I have previously ranted enough about this, but what the hell, here it goes again. Let’s say it IS hard and it IS slow and it IS not fair how long it takes you compared to other people to eeek off a little bit of weight. What is your other choice? Keep getting fatter? The best thing you can hope for if you stop is that you stand still. More likely, you go backward. DO NOT STOP.
 
3.  Stop Worrying About Other People’s Success or Failure.
Your success is controllable ONLY by you. Not by how well other people do, or how badly they tank. Enough with the tendency you have, O Lil Kitteh, to sneak peeks at someone else’s paper and use that as your excuse for either your choices or your results. You know full well what works for you. Do it. Doesn’t matter if your parents die in a year from obesity related causes. Doesn’t matter if Michele (hi Michele!) loses every extra pound she wants to lose by February first. It ONLY matters that you do what you know works, day in and day out.
 
4.  Stop Hurrying.
Yes, wouldn’t it be loverly to hit this goal or that goal by this time or that time? Wouldn’t it be great to have all this ugly fat gone by Christmas, or next week, or somewhere in between? But in your constant focus on getting the results AS SOON AS POSSIBLE, you start creating false expectations and focusing on results that are belyond your control. This isn’t a contest. To the contrary, at a really slow half pound a week, I would still be down to 125 lbs in about seven years – before I am fifty and plenty fast enough to still be “worth it” for enjoying (and living) my old age. And you know what? It isn’t like I would be 304 for six years and 364 days and then drop to 125 the last day. In fact at that same rate of .5/week, you would be down 25 lbs by the end of 2012 – in other words, it would take a year but you would erase the three years of post second baby body disaster. So yeah. Shut up and stop fretting that it isn’t fast enough, you speed freak.
 
5. Stop Fretting That It Should Be Easier.
Losing this weight is frankly a matter of science and math. Even the stuff that seems very mysterious to you, liek hormonal water weight, has its basis in science that you really dont’ want to bother to go learn. It is not an experiment designed by some evil god to torture you, nor is it all rainbows and unicorns and light because your head is in the right place “now.” It is just plain old hard work. And frankly, where would the bragging rights come from if it was easy peasy walk in the park to lose 100+ lbs?
 
6. Stop Fretting That It Should Be Harder.
On the other hand, O Perverse Little Kitteh, do not get sucked into the Biggest Loser Mentality that if you don’t spend literallly hours in the gym you cannot lose weight and do not “deserve” to do so. This is not complicated rocket sciencey stuff. Your 2012 prescription is pretty damn straightforward: eat your packets, eat your lean and green, put down anything else, and work in your T-Tapp. Fini. Now just execute.
 
7. Speaking of T-Tapp, Stop Deprioritizing Exercise.
Well, my little friend, how stupid is it to say that this is your main thing, your A Number One Freakin Thing for 2012, and then to NOT spend the 20 minutes per day it takes to knock out a round of T-Tapp MORE? You have the set up already, for heaven’s sake – you can do it in the morning, you can bring it to work with your portable DVD, you can do it when you get home, you can do it after bedtime, you can do it in a box, with a fox, on a train – STOP asking yourself if you “feel like” doing it and capitalize on Every.Single.Day of 2012. After all, while there’s no hurry, there is also no reason to linger lovingly in the losing phase any longer than necessary.
 
8. Stop Blaming Anything or Anyone Else.
Listen, Sunshine. We all know that things happen that you can’t control. Kids get sick, opposing counsel are jerks, the court gets it wrong, your day goes to hell. So what? I’m pretty sure, after forty years of living with you, that NOT ONCE has anyone up and forced food down your gullet or sat on you to keep you from doing your workout. Who decides if you eat spot on plan or “just a little off”? YOU DO, KITTEH. So shut it.
 
9. Stop  Bemoaning Your Mistakes – also known as, don’t stomp on the other eggs.
So you really wanted the potato salad, because you hardly ever get potato salad with sour cream, and you haven’t had anything off plan in a week and you use all of this to talk yourself into ignoring the OTHER “stops” and you eat some potato salad. It’s done. Oh well. SHUT UP ABOUT IT and move on. CERTAINLY don’t wax eloquent and dramatic about it, or think that it is any kind of excuse to put One.Single.More naughty bite in your mouth.
 
10. Stop Announcing You Are Srs.
Frankly, at this point, we will believe it when we see it. I don’t want to hear one more word about re-booting, restarting, recommitting, or reanything else. I know, it feels TEH AWSUMS to announce your committment, to declare a clean slate, to conveniently ignore the other fifty times you have said that. Well, tough turtle toes, toots. You have zero credibility at the moment, and besides, what does that really GET you besides the feeling that you have a clean slate upon which to screw up? Concentrate on actually DOING and let your actions be your declaration of srs-ness.
 
11. Stop Vizulalising, Daydreemin, and Otherwise Fantasizing.
By the same token, screw off with your big dreams and plans. This year it is all about doing. No points for clearing your mind, for writing out affirmations hundreds of times, for having a perfect portfolio of what you hope you will look like. This year is about ACTION, about DOING, about EXECUTION. Focus on shooting the basket, having it swish through the hoop every single time – and not on the roar of the crowd as an end unto itself. No dream, just DO.
 
12. Stop Being Skeered.
Don’t know about the rest of you, but I am skeered all the time. Skeered I won’t lose weight, skeered I will and that it won’t be nearly as wonderful as I think, skeered I will gain it all back, skeered I am destined to resemble a Hutt for the rest of my life, skeered I am blessed in so many ways that I don’t DESERVE to be blessed that way too, skeered it is my destiny, in other words, to be fat. Well, screw that.  You don’t even get to THINK about that until you make it through this year of EXECUTING your plan. The fear of all these maybes is ridiculous. Give it a shot, and if you don’t like it afterward, deal with that then. Sufficient unto the day and all that rot. STOP being skeered.
 
 
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Comments on: "Tuesday Shrinkspiration: Things To Stop Doing To Yourself" (1)

  1. saying hi back, even tough I Had to click out of my beloved google reader to do so. you can feel special now. 😛

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