in which Kitteh shrinks away oodles of fluff

Oops.

Here is my (reluctant) update.  I started last week very well.  I lost 2.5 lbs by Wednesday. Wednesday I had the beginnings of what turned out to be a nasty flu. I also had a day where instead of my regular work day, I sat in a long very boring meeting ALL.DAY.LONG.  As I sat there, I drafted stories.  I wound up writing three short stories that day!  Yay!  After years of “stage fright” when it came to writing again, I was over the hump! Cause to celebrate, right?

Wednesday was also the 20th anniversary of our first date.  We had a lovely dinner out (and I had a lovely steak and stayed on plan).  Things are going well, yeah?

Only instead of being all energized by it, I found myself enormously unhappy.  I wanted more of those days – days where I could immerse myself in the stories.  Days where I was not pestered by clients or co-workers or government folks, all of whom have a perfectly valid reason to expect some of my time. 

I know. I have it better than 99% of people who would like to write in their “spare” time.  The only way it could be better would be no kids, and that’s not worth it 🙂 But oh my goodness. I was so grumped about getting back to real life, that I wanted chocolate, and in mass quantities.

I didn’t actualy EAT chocolate in mass quanitites, but I did deviate from packet land into “real” food and not even really healthy food.  I failed, and how.  I gained back, at least temporarily (cold meds are doubtless partially responsible) the 2.5 I had peeled off and another 2.  Well, the 2 are gone today after being on the wagon yesterday.  But I am no less disgruntled than when I started overeating and getting sick.  PMS? Not helping. 

So where am I?  I am avoiding beating myself up, because that juts makes me angrier and makes saying “hell with it” even more attractive than it already is.  When I see other people saying “hell with it” I always want to scream at them and slap them around (metaphorically, in most cases) because what good does THAT do? It just turns your “oops” into a massive detour.  That said, I feel like chucking the whole thing myself.  And I know that if I did, it would just be an EXCUSE to quit. It surely isn’t a REASON to quit.  That’s absurd – “I need to lose weight, here’s my plan.  Oh, I got off plan for a few days.  Now I magically don’t need to lose weight!”  ???? Of course not. 

With the flu/cold, PT got postponed.  Funny how fast people cancel your appointments when you say “flu.”  🙂  So I have to get back to that on Friday (he’s closed Tues/Thurs and today I still have a fever).  I got rid of the 2 oops pounds already.  Now to reclaim my 2.5 loss.

Oh, and here’s my new strategy (at least to get me through this period).  I usually eat a packet every 3 hours, although the “rules” say every 2 to 3 hours.  So yesterday I ate every 2 hours until dinner, then nothing after dinner.  My dinner was not the best, but it was not terrible.  And I showed a 3.5 loss.  So.  I will be eating every 2-2.5 hours for a while, until the urge to eat something naughty has passed.

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