in which Kitteh shrinks away oodles of fluff

Mind gamez

I went away for the weekend.  I did really well “on plan,” which is to say I did exactly what I planned to do.  I ate Packaged Noms for all my meals but one.  For the one real meal, I ate out at nice places and didn’t stress about calorie count over much – didn’t stuff myself, but had wine with dinner twice and dessert the third night (but didn’t have dessert AND wine, for instance).  I made the choice in advance to relax and enjoy vacationing, which DH and I do once a year together, so this isn’t going to be a horrible habitty thing.

Plus, I had a many-hour drive on either end of the trip to drop off/pick up our kids, and traveling makes me swell up and retain water.  (No idea why.)  Add to that the fact that I was as PMSy as you get, and that the week that follows is always a no-scale-movement week for me because of all the water I retain at that TOM,  I DID NOT EXPECT TO SEE  A LOSS.  I just expected/hoped to not see MUCH of a gain.  Perfectly willing to gain a little.  This is about LIFESTYLE, not speed.  You with me?

So I took in calories as planned.  And as expected, I did not lose (even though I walked about a billion miles more than usual) because I ate more than usual, too, and that alcohol has some calories. 

And as planned?  Slight gain. Specifically, 1.5 lbs.  Since I probably gained more than that in water weight, it probably was not a “real” gain of body fat at all. If anything, my clothes are even looser.

So why am I so “down”?  I really feel terribly pessimistic right at the moment, all because that number went up not down.  I know that it is temporary.  I know that I PLANNED for it, made choices to do it.  But the last two days I have felt like I am NEVER going to make significant progress on this journey!

Ever watch that show “Ruby”?  About the woman losing hundreds of pounds?  I’ve watched it on and off, and when Ruby has a “down” period and confides in the camera how it all seems pointless, etc. etc. I usually want to pound her.  After all, I think, what else are you going to do but get back on the wagon? Get fatter again?  How is that helpful? 

And here I sit.  Forcing my brain (or at least trying to force my brain) to a reasonable place, where eating fewer calories than you use will always result in nice steady weight loss.  Wanting to chuck it and have Something Bad to eat.  How exactly will that help? NO FRAKKIN CLUE. But there you are.

I’m sincerely hoping (a) this is very temporary; (b) this is maybe hormonal; (c) telling you this will help break it, or at least (d) telling you will keep me from actually EATING the Something Bad. 🙂 

Wish me luck.

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Comments on: "Mind gamez" (1)

  1. Hugs. It does suck. Because even what you “know” does not make you feel better. But I’m proud of you, all the same.

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